So I'm not going to lie, I do not always pay for the metro...in fact; I rarely, barely ever, pay. We have a system here. There are men in green jackets who are out to get you, and we watch out for them. I happen to live in the heart of the city, so my metro stop is quite large, therefore constantly flooded with the 'green jackets'. Boo. Like I said though, we have a system. If going to school we see the green jackets, we have to purchase, but then if you don't we don't. And coming back from school you can peek up and see if they are there, and if they are we always said we would see them and then get back on the metro and go to the following stop.
This was the plan until I got caught. Twice. The first time I got caught, I swore I had stamped my ticket. There was a big group of us, and I was certain I had stamped it. So when we came up the escalator and saw the green jackets, I didn't panic. I went to get my ticket and pulled out 6 that were right. Right..."it's here somewhere....let me just look" was really all I could say. Then he said the fine was 42 EUR. Hells no. "42 DOLLARS!?" was all I could then say. I know dollars is incorrect, but I was so pissed that I would have to pay 42 euros, my brain wasn't really functioning. By the way....the ticket it 0.65 EUR....right. 42, or 0.65. Crap. So I'm looking everywhere determined that the ticket was in there somewhere....but it just wasn't happening. He asked me for my passport which I clearly didn't have on me, and then he asked where I was from. "Canada"....he said "Go back to Canada" and let me go. Not such a nice guy to tell me to bug off, but nice enough to literally let me walk away. I vowed to always buy a ticket. That probably lasted until the next morning.
So now to my second time. I went home from class mid-day (which I hadn't planned on doing, but forgot something). I look up the escalator to scope out the green jackets and nada. Coast is clear. Yeah.....bastards knew my trick. A big ring of them were standing 10m back from when you get off the escalator. When I saw a bunch of them, I mean like 6-8 men. You cannot walk past them, because naturally our metro is filled with machine-gun loving police. Why they need machine guns in the metro I am still not sure, however, I was busted. I tried to pull the "I always buy a ticket" crap and he just didn't care. It was supposed to be 42 EUR, or 47 EUR since I couldn't pay on the spot...but since he knew I was upset, he put it down to 28 EUR which would be 33.60 since I couldn't give him money on the spot. Ugh. Crap crap crap. Paddy automatically got a text on that one.
Soooo I would have to venture to the building to pay my fine. I had 5 days. I suckered Paddy into coming with me, of course, which she was just so thrilled with, but we were off. Turns out you have to take the tram there, not just the regular metro. Paddy and I are standing there debating whether to buy a ticket or not...but we figured since I was on my way to pay a fine, we should pay. FYI really good people watching on the tram. Like I'm talking prime people watching. Paddy and I had a field day. But more so, we had no idea where the hell we were. We could not recognize anything from outside the window, and it seemed too posh, so knowing us, we took the wrong train and were on our way to Belgium or something. However, we finally arrived at our stop. Perfect. Paddy said "where to now?"...."ughh I have no idea, I didn't mapquest the directions" was my response. Once again, Paddy was thrilled with me, but we found a map and tracked down what we assumed was the address. Perfect. Let's go. It was about a 3 minute walk, and when we got there....it was closed. "Really? Are you sure?"....yeah the time said so. We had to wait an hour before it opened again. Paddy really wasn't loving me now. Oh ps: the gold medal men's game was the night before....so we didnt really sleep much and Paddy was hungover; understatement of the year.
An hour to kill: let's get lunch. Well apparently we were in the middle of nowhere and there was nada. One chinese food restaurant we contemplated...but we didn't see noodles on the menu, which was all we wanted, so we figured they weren't good. Finally, we found a little sandwich place. One man ran the show, and there were like 8 of us in line. Brilliant. We have tons of time to kill anyways. So we waited, and waited and waited. Man oh man were we ever standing there forever. People watching, constantly, yet exhausted and wanting to sit down. Oh, and I had no change. Sweet sweet Paddy treated. High on life. We finally get our sandwiches and they were totally worth the wait. Delicious. We still had about 40 mins to kill so we walked back to our stop where we originally got off the tram and sat, and chatted, Paddy debated pushing me over the tracks for dragging her into this, but she loves me, and I'm her entertainment so she decided against it.
Finally it was time to go back and pay. Right on. So we walk back, and in, and.....I can't seem to get the door open. I hear it buzzing, and yet I can't seem to get the door open. I'm in tears laughing so hard, because the door is now alarming, and I can't seem to push it open. Finally we get it. Right. Okay, we're in. I walk to the counter and ask if this is where I pay the bill. She said "no no, down the street right near the tram stop"....crap. Are you kidding me? Paddy is now killing me with glances and I'm dying laughing. You see...Paddy and I had passed this place before on the walk to get lunch. We even said "Imagine if this is where I had to pay for my ticket"...but it seemed off, and sketchy and nah...it was more a parking lot with huge gates. Not for us. Yeah well that's exactly where we had to go back to. Brilliant. So we get there, and I finally found an entrance into a building, walk up the counter and ask if this is where I have to pay for my ticket. "no no, right down the street, literally right across the street from the tram stop". ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Now I'm crying laughing, not even believing this is happening to us. Third time the charm. This has to be it. 906 was the number we were looking for....and when we finally found it I thought it was a joke.
The tiniest little, sketched out door you have seen. No real sign saying what it is at all, but the hours of operation said it was been open all day...they didn't close for lunch. So Paddy and I didn't really need to get lunch, and kill an hour. I was a dead man. Big trouble with Paddy. Okay, so I open the door and walk in and not kidding you, I thought I was in jail. Top to bottom the walls were covered with graffitti and the room was the size of a closet. There was a waiting room type thing, but no receptionist or anything. One door has big "no enter" signs, and the other one didn't have a door handle. Are you serious? This is it? Once again, Paddy and I are bent over in tears because we are now in jail.
We hear the little alarm going off for the door, and yet neither of us knew where the sound was coming from. Am I supposed to open a door? Really? Which one? Into where?....Thats when the women came onto the speakers informing us that the door was to the right of us. Rightttt. So I push it open, and honestly, I had to laugh. There were little rooms with bullet proof windows on them, and I had to first enter a little glass room, and the women I had to pay was on the other side of the glass. "Is this where I pay for the ticket?". Yes. Oh mannn. Finally. Paddy and I still have tears streaming down our faces.
Finally I paid and we were on our way. Were half laughing about how dumb we are, and how this would only ever happen to us, slash laughing at how that was the sketchiest venue I had ever seen. I will not get another ticket, because there is no way I'm going back there. But at least I know where it is now! Bright side of life eh.
So we are waiting to catch the tram back, laughing at our little adventure and once again, we decided to pay for our ticket. I still had no change, so Paddy was the payee of the day. I pay for my ticket no problem, and then its Paddy's turn. She had a whole bunch of 5 cent coins to get rid of, and this machine actually took 5 cents, so she had to put in 1.60 EUR worth of 5 cents. That's when I saw the tram coming. GO GO GO! PUT THE CHANGE IN FASTER! GOOOO! The tram pulled up, and Paddy is feeding the machine money like mad. I'll give you the play by play. The tram doors open, Paddy is still putting in money, the doors are open, she is almost there. And then the doors closed lol we did not make that tram. I'm doubled over because I am laughing so hard, slash I had sounded like a football coach yelling at her. And so we waited. Again. For the next tram.
When we got on, it was prime people watching. Honestly you see the funniest things when you look. We pretty much cried laughing the whole way back. That's when we parted, and I'm sure Paddy was so damn thankful to be parting ways. But...I had successfully paid my metro fine.
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